Heart Chakra Journal

Date: January 9, 2025

Weather: Sunny

Mood Today: Exhausted, Angry, Sad

1. What happened today? Today was meant to be my son’s finals day for math, but at 1 AM, my husband inadvertently discovered our son had taken his phone to play Pokémon games in the bedroom! He has a math exam first thing in the morning! This kind of behavior is simply foolish. I was overwhelmed with anger, thinking about his recent laziness in studying and his obsession with phone games and shopping. This also made me reflect on all the professional and personal sacrifices I’ve made to support his education. Those feelings of anger and sadness kept me awake until after 5 AM. When I finally managed to fall asleep, it was just for an hour before I had to wake up again to handle household chores and rush off to work. On my drive to the office, I couldn’t hold back my tears.

2. What emotions did I feel?

   1. Exhaustion: I felt both physically and mentally drained, especially from the constant role-switching.

   2. Anger: I felt incompetent, furious at myself for not being able to discipline my son properly.

   3. Sadness: I was saddened by the realization that I’ve put in nearly half my life’s effort yet haven’t seen the desirable results.

3. Where might these emotions be coming from?

   1. Exhaustion likely comes from insufficient sleep lately, compounded by a busy daytime schedule. The pressure from work doesn’t allow me to rest once I’m home—it's as if I’m still at work.

   2. Anger stems from my high expectations for myself; I want to excel in both family and work, but balancing the two is incredibly difficult. I feel anger towards the degree of chaos in my life. A deeper reason is that when I face my emotions, I often struggle to handle them well, opting to mask everything with anger instead.

   3. Sadness: On the surface, it appears to stem from my efforts not yielding returns. A deeper issue lies in my childhood; my parents were neglectful, resulting in poor academic performance on my part. When I had my son, I swore to become a good mother and devoted myself to caring for and educating him. However, the reality is that while my son’s grades may be slightly better than mine, his study habits and attitude mirror my own. So where have all these years of effort truly gone?

4. How can I adjust or care for my emotions?

   1. Exhaustion: I’ll engage in activities I enjoy, like going to the yoga studio for a class instead of trying to save time by practicing at home.

   2. Anger: I need to remind myself that even if I’m not doing well, I am still a good person. I deserve love, and I am capable of loving others.

   3. Sadness: I’ll step into nature, connecting with the plants, sunlight, and stones. Recognizing how small I am in the grand scheme of nature, I’ll realize that my troubles aren’t as significant as they seem.

5. Three affirmations I told myself today (Daily Mindfulness Mantra):
   1. I've done my best, and I deserve recognition.
   2. I don’t need to be perfect; I am deserving of love.
   3. Amidst the busyness, I must carve out some space to breathe.
6. Three things I am grateful for:

   1. I’m thankful for today’s sunshine, which brightened my mood a bit while taking my child to school.

   2. I appreciate my husband for voluntarily helping with the kitchen cleanup, allowing me to rest a bit sooner.

   3. I’m proud of myself for completing all my work tasks; I am a reliable individual.

7. My score for today: 7/10 While I feel somewhat exhausted, there are still many little moments to be grateful for. Today was busy but fulfilling.